SPECIAL ISSUANCE
Executed on the occasion of her 19th birthday — with considerably more feeling than legal documents typically permit.
A Binding Contract of the Heart
Document No. LSA-2026-∞·Effective Date: The Day We Met·Year: XIX·Expiry: Never
SERVICE PROVIDER
Rachit Goyal
(hereinafter "The One Who Loves You")
SUBSCRIBER
Alisha Vashishth
(hereinafter "The One Being Adored")
"WHEREAS the Service Provider has determined, after extensive review of all available options across time and space, that the Subscriber is irreplaceable; and WHEREAS the Subscriber has graciously agreed to receive said services — this Agreement is hereby entered into with full sincerity and zero legal standing."
The Service Provider agrees to deliver, without limitation or interruption, the following: unconditional support during both rational and completely irrational moments; presence in all physical, emotional, and 3 AM existential forms; one (1) person who will always pick up the phone; an inexhaustible supply of patience, particularly regarding indecisiveness at restaurants; and the sincere belief that you are, in fact, the most interesting person in any room.
This Agreement shall commence on the Effective Date and shall continue for the duration of: this lifetime, any subsequent lifetimes (if applicable), and all parallel universes in which we exist simultaneously. Renewal is automatic. No opt-out mechanism has been implemented. This is by design.
In consideration of the services rendered, the Subscriber agrees to: allow the Service Provider to be occasionally, insufferably proud of her; accept that "I love you" will be said at mildly inconvenient times; permit the occasional unsolicited opinion, delivered always with good intent; and show up — in whatever form that takes on any given day.
The Service Provider hereby warrants that: all feelings disclosed herein are genuine and unexaggerated (a first, legally); no terms of this Agreement have been entered into under duress, suggestion, or the influence of romantic comedies; and the Service Provider has read, understood, and accepts all known and unknown qualities of the Subscriber, including but not limited to the complicated ones.[see Exhibit A]
Neither party shall be held liable for: minor disagreements about temperature, volume, or what to watch; time lost in comfortable silence; or the irreversible softening of one's independence that naturally occurs when someone becomes genuinely home to you.
This Agreement shall be governed by the laws of sincerity, mutual respect, and the understanding that love — when chosen consciously and maintained with care — is not a feeling that fades, but a practice that deepens.[Amendment No. 1 filed]
SERVICE PROVIDER
Rachit Goyal
Signed with full awareness of what this means.
SUBSCRIBER
Alisha Vashishth
Signed, or to be signed. The offer stands.